I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
