Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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