problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
