Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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