why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
