So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
