I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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