It's Friday. Sex?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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