Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
