Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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