is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
