....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
