i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
