First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
