I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
