Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
