some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
