forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
