I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
