Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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