I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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