I hate your face
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
