walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
