i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
