Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
