That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
