if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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