if i can run in heels then i can drive
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
