i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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