I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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