Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
