I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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