yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
