I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You are the jesus of drinking
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
