I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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