hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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