can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
