Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
