i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
