someone get that fucking seahorse.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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