Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
