I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
