I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
