I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
