i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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