May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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