final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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