i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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