A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
