i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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