Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
