I puked a lego.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then he peed in my hair
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