My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
