I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
